Wednesday, July 20, 2011


     I have now started this blog 4-5 times... Where do I start.  Kacey was a month older than me.  He was always bigger and taller and stronger than me.  We lived two blocks away from each other, growing up.  I could tell you about pick nicks and bike rides.  I could tell you about the time we found a buffalo skull, while we were on an adventure with grandpa Crane. I could tell you about soccer games in 5th grade, where he was the captain and always picked me first.  I could tell you about shooting squirrels, or crazy snowmobile rides on the double track.  I could tell you about sluffing seminary and going sledding instead.  I could tell you about sledding in the moon light with him.  I could tell you about when I broke up with my boyfriend in High School and Kacey swept me up in his arms and cried with me.   I could tell you about parties and late night talks.  I could tell you about the way his eyes wrinkled when he smiled or about his laugh.  I could tell you about his practical jokes and his adventures.  I could tell you how he ALWAYS called me "Rach."   There is so much to tell. 
     It is amazing how someone can change your life, change it for the better.  Kacey changed me and made me better.  He had this amazing quality to love people, no regards to looks or circumstances or any of that stuff.  He just loved you and you could feel it.  He was adventurous and happy.  He was strong and healthy.  He was perfect in so many ways!
     My last memory of Kacey is one I shall cherish forever.  We were at his parents house.  It was the end of the big Crane reunion, and he and I along with Cari, Julie, Tammy and Kelli sat and visited on the front lawn.  We talked and laughed, but Kacey glowed.  He was so good... Just so good.  He offered me a Dr. Pepper and then gave me one of "his" hugs, and then said, "I love ya, Rach.  It was so good to see you again." 
     So here's to Kacey, thanks for the adventures and fun.  Thanks for showing me how to love unconditionally, thanks for your laugh and smile.  But, most of all, thanks for the great memories, and for all of your love.  I am so so blessed to have been able to share part of your earthly life.  I love you and always will.  God be with you till we meet again.....

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

It's great to be Eight~

From the first moment I felt her move I LOVED her.  She is so so sweet.  There is a light in her that burns so bright.  She is brilliant, she glows.  I often want to touch her hair and feel her warm skin to see if some of the brilliance, the brightness will rub off on me.  She is happy so happy that she is loud.  She vibrates with emotion and energy!  She is tender, not dramatic, but tender.  She cries in movies and feels bad for homeless people.  She hugs me and wants me to be ok, always!  She holds her brothers hands, she gets them drinks of water, she puts band aids on their owees, she tucks them in bed at night, she loves her brothers.  She is not needy or demanding, not dramatic or selfish, she is kind.  She shares and is always a good sport.  She is not spoiled, or full of herself.  She thinks of others and usually puts them first.  She's got this crazy curly hair.  I have never had a day, never, when someone hasn't asked, "is that natural?"  She loves stuffed animals and watching movies.  She likes to paint and roller skate.  She rides her bike and does a little babysitting.  She reads her scriptures and was so excited to get baptized.  She LOVES her dad.  She likes being the oldest granddaughter on one side.  She is a good example and friend.  I want so much for her.  I want to always hold her hand and help her when life gets tough.  I want her to tell me her deep dark secrets and share her funny jokes.  I want to share the world with her and to protect her.  I want for her to grow up healthy and to be a mom.  I want her to have a good husband and a happy life.  I want her to love the Savior and the gospel.  I want to hold her forever, and I think I can do that, at least in my heart!  I love you Sami and find extreme joy and pride and happiness in being your mom!  Thank you!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

NO Name

I am not sure what to "Title" this post!  Today is Sunday and I just got home from a fireside.  I went to church today feeling like I usually do on a Sunday:  late, rushed, hot, hungry, frustrated, tired etc..etc.. the list could go on and on.  There was a mission farewell and of course there was no where to sit.  We crowded on this little bench and took a deep breath, did I mention the air conditioning was not working. 
It was one of those Sundays, where my soul was going on empty and when I left church it was exploding with knowledge and so much love.  The questions were asked, "Do you think the Savior was scared to go into the Garden?  Do you think he really new what he was going to suffer, and most importantly, why did he do this for us, for me?"  The only thing that comes close to me understanding the atonement is: when I think of one of my children suffering.  I would do anything to comfort, strengthen, lift, help and even remove their pain.
I often think of my sweet sister who lost her 14 year old daughter 2 years ago.  I can not imagine the actual daily anguish and heartache that is hers for a whole lifetime.  Right after Torri had died, one of her friends told her that she needed to let the Lord carry her burden.  That she needed to rest mentally, spiritually, physically, and that is would be ok to let the Lord thelp her.  To let him love her and help her because he has already suffered for both of them, for all of us.  It was at that moment that I truly realized I will never be able to actually wrap my head around how much our Savior LOVES us. 
So in short, He lived, He died, and he lives again.  This makes me happy, this soothes my soul, and this brings me pure true perfect happiness.

Saturday, July 2, 2011


Dear Zachary, Zach, Zach-attack, Snacky, Moffee,
I just wanted to wish you a happy 3rd birthday!  I want to tell you that I love you more than life itself.  Every morning I wake up to "mommy, I awake".  No, you are not potty trained, but think it is great to use the toilet when your friend Peter is here.  You are the most animated kid I know.  You have so much to say and have been talking since you were one.  You have started to stutter, and most of your sentences start out with "hey, hey, hey, hey.. or mom, mom, mom, mom.  It is so precious.  I can see the wheels turning in your mind as you try to spit out all you have to say.  You are smart and pick up on things quick.  You like to show off and tease other kids.  You are so so loud.  You only have one volume.  I sometimes look at your eyes and face and the cute little splash of freckles you have and I get so overwhelmed with how much I love you.  I tuck you in bed at night and you hug me and kiss me and tell all your friends in the neighborhood goodnight.  Zachy, you are one of the best things I have ever done and I am so proud to be your mom.  I thank my father in heaven for the chance to be your earthly mother.  I love you lotz and lotz and...That is what you say to me each night.  Happy Birthday!!!!!